So, I’ve been thinking lately about the ongoing debate over the Bible’s 10 Commandments. To address this issue at all, one must first specify which 10 Commandment is the correct one, Exodus 20:2–17, Deuteronomy 5:6–21 or the Exodus 34:11–27.

For a set of laws seemingly so important to the precepts of Judeo-Christian belief, one would think that there would be one, and only one, version of the heralded Commandments, but no dice. Through translations and edit after edit, we have three. Admittedly, the versions from Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5 are largely similar, but they begin to differ at verse 14 of the latter version of the commandments.

So, before I offer my own, let’s review the commonly accepted 10, as this site has:

1. ‘You shall have no other gods before Me.’
2. ’You shall not make for yourself a carved image–any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.’
3. ‘You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.’
4. ‘Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.’
5. ‘Honor your father and your mother.’
6. ’You shall not murder.’
7. ’You shall not commit adultery.’
8. ’You shall not steal.’
9. ’You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.’
10. ’You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.’

I agree with No. 5 to a degree, unless the said father and mother are reprehensible, abusive people, and I also agree with Nos. 6, 8 and 9.

The other commandments can either be combined or dismissed. Nos. 1-3 can be lumped together because they all speak of God attempting to retain or hold of power over his “creation.” No. 4 was disavowed by Christ himself. No. 7, though certainly disagreeable and not preferred, should not be punishable by eternal fire (seems like overkill), for there are civil cases where, although one is technically married, one may also be technically separated from someone for a very long time, abdicating the said persons from the commitment presented in the marriage vows. Regardless, although it’s usually the case that adultery is not the best course of action, it’s certainly not on par with rape or murder.

No. 10 is stickier. While someone probably shouldn’t lust after other folks’ property or wives, etc., ambition is probably a good thing to the betterment of individuals in raising families and making ends meet. Given the localized nature of this particular commandment, the verse sets it rightly, not in some spiritual realm, but in Bronze Age Palestine, where one, indeed, has an interest in achieving a better means.

Also, not-so-mysteriously absent from this list is rape and slavery. Perhaps they are absent because the commandments are speaking only to other Jews in the very small and clanish world of the Palestine at the time. In other words, the commandment “Do not murder” means “Do not murder Jews,” not, “Do not murder anyone on the planet.” Thus, maybe it’s not so odd that rape and slavery didn’t make the Top 10, since, at least enslavement among fellow Jews wasn’t as prominent as enslavement by Jews of people from other lands. Given the ugly episode of Lot and his two daughters, Judges 21:10-24 and many other passages, rape and incest seemed to be par for the course in the bible. Thus, it’s absent from the main list as well.

All this being said, if the 10 Commandments were truly offered by God himself, one of the few passages in the Bible claiming direct, direct, authorship, they should be some of the most profound words ever read by man.

Ever.

They should surpass any of meager literary offerings of Homer, Shakespeare, Milton, Donn, Shelley, Wordsworth, Coleridge, Eliot and many others.

But they do not. Thus, if I may be so humble, let me offer my own rules for living (I will not be so brutish as to call them commandments). These, which differ significantly in simplicity from some others that have been proposed, are presented in order of most important to least. Also, I don’t see what is so important about the number 10. Indeed, if it was symbolism the biblical authors were after, it would have made more sense to have the 7 commandments (Or, perhaps 12 for the 12 tribes of Israel), rather than 10. My first “rule” really takes care of most of the rest, but for the necessity of having a list in the first place, I’ll expand mine. I only need 8, and they are as follows:

1. Thou shalt treat all human beings as equals, irrespective of race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation or creed;
2. Thou shalt not murder;
3. Thou shalt not enslave other human beings;
4. Thou shalt not commit rape;
5. Thou shalt not abuse children, mentally, physically or sexually;
6. Thou shalt not steal or damage others’ property;
7. Thou shalt not commit perjury; and
8. Thou shalt not commit extortion.

I rest my case.